The Fallacy of Work-Life Balance
There is a very common question that is often asked to me, “How do you manage a balance between your work and life?”. Some often come and acknowledge me by saying, “You seem to work a lot! I can never do that. I have a family to take care of”
Oh, completely missed it! Hi everyone, my name is Mrinmoy Das and I work as an Engineering Lead and an Architect in an organisation — BDI Plus which is based out of Bengaluru and New York. The best thing about being an architect is that, you need to vision aspects of your product before anyone ever does. You need to connect the dots for a steady and uninterrupted software cycle which involves a lot of reading and research before you can finally implement it. Honestly, in simple words, the work is tedious, requiring hours of studying and going through the current trends in the industry.
Over the years, I have managed teams of developers. Some still work with me, some have worked with me in the past and often drop me a text or so once in a while to know about my whereabouts. Whenever they ask about me, the most common answer that they get is, “Going through some office related stuff” and the most common reaction I get is, “Isn’t it beyond your work hours?”
There is a common saying in the industry —
“We need to maintain a work-life balance.”
The idea is to segregate the time of your day between your work and for your personal life. People often complain, that if they work, they cannot take care of their family and if they spend too much time with their family, they cannot focus on anything related to their work.
I give you a simple solution to this. Do not try to separate out your work from your life, do not even try to create the work-life balance that you have heard of. It’s that simple.
Let me explain it to you using a mere example.
Does losing your job effects your life?
“Of course it does!” — This guy seems to ask silly questions.
Alright, let me ask this again,
“Imagine you’ve lost a love one, will that effect your work?”
— He doesn’t seem to stop!
If the answer is “Yes” for both, why are you even trying to separate out these two?
Now imagine, your entire life as a huge sphere! That sphere contains smaller spheres, namely — “Your relationship with your parents”, “Your life with your kids”, “Marriage”, “Your work” and so on. When people come to me stressed out with their lives, I give them the same example. When you’re stressed out, you try to look for the reason behind it and often the most vibrant sphere that comes along is “Your work”. “What if, I have to work less, all my issue will be solved, right?” It takes so much of your energy, time and personal well-being to do a “job”. Am I correct?
What we are trying to seek here is balance! So, when we compare that one aspect of our life with all the rest of it, in order to maintain that balance, we inflate it to the point that your “job” seems to be biggest problem your life has. So, a few people let go off of that sphere completely and then try to seek balance again. A lot to nothing? That doesn’t seem to be in balance again.
So to reach the equilibrium again, we pick another aspect of our life. Just a reminder, this was not one of the sphere causing stress on the very first place. “Marriage”, you seem to have found it! This is causing you to become unhappy. Again, you try to inflate the issue to maintain the balance, and eventually, let go of that sphere as well.
Fast forward, this continues till you have no sphere left anymore. Where are you right now? All empty and alone!
“What is the solution to this then?”
The answer is yet again simple. You need to change your perception, your focus. Instead of seeing your life as a sphere consisting of many smaller spheres, imagine it to be ONE HUGE SPHERE ONLY! You need to accept the fact that, your life is made out of the entire sphere alone, which includes your work as well. You focus on the comprehensive view of your life and not only to one aspect of it. “The balance?” You do not need to look for a balance anymore!
4 things will happen after this change of view —
- You stop being hyper-critical about just one aspect of your life. “Why am I getting fat?” or maybe, “What if I cannot write code?” — Instead of focusing on one aspect and being stressed, you’ll view it as a complete whole life.
- We become aware. As there are no more smaller spheres to take care of, you can focus on how your decisions, your choices will effect the other aspects of your life as well.
- This will give you momentum. When you have a choice to make, “Should I send out the email now or tomorrow?”, you’re making a decision. In either of the situation, you need to send out the email sometime. So when you do it now, you appear to move forward. When you’re running in a race, it’s easier to keep running than to come to a halt all at once. And remember, now the spheres are interconnected, and hence, when one aspect of your life is moving forward, the others need to move too, including the most “stressful” of them all, “Work”!
- This will give you empowerment. In order to achieve that positive momentum, you need to take the right decision, you need to make the right choices. This in turn will give you control over your life, instead of life controlling you. You now have a purpose to live!
A bonus tip, as all the spheres are intertwined, you just need to take a step in the right direction in order to live a happy life. It doesn’t matter which aspect of your life you’re taking the step in, as all as connected, a positive step in one will automatically cause a position momentum in another. You just need to make sure, you’re progressing. That’s it. No efforts to maintain a balance anymore!
“Is it just that simple?”
Yes, it is!
Inspired by the ideas and work of — Michael Walters, President of studio503, Vice President and National Account Director of the Coin-Tainer Company, Board Member of the Swedish American Chamber of Commerce in Minnesota (SACC-MN).
